TO MOVE ON IS EASY????

I have never been on such a ground where i feel ------------

                                                                             IRRITATED,when i see girls laughing and tolking all stuffs about new brands of lip colors and accessories, I feel everything and everybody around me is faking around.When i look at guys staring at me i dont feel any tinge of harsh or sweet feeling inside me.When a guy flirts with me i dont blush anymore,rather i give no expressions which creates a blank incomprehensible meaning in my eyes.The silence which i craved for in past which made me feel peace coz i used to think about you,now that silence enters my heart like a ghost and shakes me from inside and then comes out in the form of tears from my eyes.Deactivating every social network websites account,throwing my cell at the corner of my bed,watching my favorite television programme nothing helps my senses to regain the strength back,but your single text message energizes every nerve of my body....YOU say me to move on......when i guy approaches me says me i love u.....i like a passive listener just keep on understanding what did the guy said?.....and the person leaves me thinking i m mad.........i laugh wid my parents for a moment i feel everything is allright...and then suddenly a wind of the truth that the night is coming which will eat your soul up wid his memory ............i stop laughing.my mind, heart, evry thing goes still.AT nights my blanket and pillow consoles me and i keep making dem wet.........................................................AND U SAY....."YOU HAVE MADE YOUR LIFE HELL"...............I NEVER WANTED TO MAKE MY LIFE DIS WAY BECOZ I KNOW HOW MUCH IT PAINS..........................